Many new moms are given this advice, “rest when the baby rests.”  It is important to do this so you have the strength to enjoy your new little one.  The temptation is to get caught up on cleaning while the child is resting which deprives  you of the energy it takes to build that relationship.  If you think about rearing a child into adulthood successfully it is through the relationship that is established from the beginning.

To keep on task think in terms of making memories.  Will you want to remember the developmental milestones of your child/children and fun times you created or will you want to remember how clean your home was?  I am not advocating that you keep a filthy home or neglect other duties but that you learn to prioritize what is important.  We can forget what is important when we juggle home, work, child rearing, school, appointments, grocery shopping, cooking, meetings/club, church and the relationship with your significant other.  After awhile time passes and we don’t know who our children are because we did not take the time to build and maintain the connection.

Here are 5 tips to help in relational building.

~  Take the time to listen to your child.  Give feedback to them to let them know you are hearing them.

~  Laugh together.  If mealtime is challenging keep it light.  Tell some jokes or make up some silly food games.

~  Take some time to play with your child no matter what age.

~  Love your child.  Give them a hug, pat on the shoulder, or gentle touch on the back.  Tell them daily.

~  Work together.  Prepare meals together, work in the garden side by side and talk while you work.  When kids have something to do with their hands you will find they will be able to communicate their thoughts and feelings.

Start today to build on your relationship.  Keep building everyday even when you hear “go away and leave me alone”.  During those moments remind them you are here and you love them.  May you have fun building the relationship you want with your child.

I am connected to a fun group of counselors from across the US and Canada.  I was recently  discussing things that are now obsolete in this decade.  Items such as the yellow pages, encyclopedia, landlines, wires, film cameras, the time lady, 35 mm film, and floppy drives have been replaced by newer and better versions or technology.  There was some grief over the time lady, but I believe this was pure nostalgia.

It got me thinking of things that are timeless and I hope last forever.  Here are some of my favorite concepts that came from our dialogue.  Love, feelings, exercise, chocolate, random acts of kindness, friends, connectedness, faith or belief in someone/something, hope, toilets and toilet paper were listed to remind us that humor is important.

My hope for you in this new decade is to focus on some of these timeless behaviors if they are missing in your life.  Incorporate love, get in touch with the feelings you have kept hidden, exercise, do and teach your children random acts of kindness.  Teach your family about friendship and connectedness.  Have faith in each other and hope that there is a better future for your family.  Lastly, laugh at yourself and with each other.

May this new decade be meaningful and full of growth for you and your family.

In California we are faced with fires that rip through the mountains and neighborhoods devouring anything in its path.  We have grown accustomed to watching the helicopter scoop/suck up water from nearby parks and lakes as they rush to drop it on the thirsty fires.  All this drama unfolds before us on TV or as an eyewitness.

As I write this the helicopters are still going back and forth.  I have no clue where the destination is as this year we have no TV and the radio stations are not broadcasting much information.  I have a phone number to call on the latest activities.

I do recognize that the TV does keep us informed and it is vital to have this information as a parent.  However, the broadcasts show the fires repeatedly with the field reporters giving us the facts in a delivery that is anxiety producing.  After a day of your child viewing this it can prevent them from sleeping at night and you may have more separation anxiety when school resumes.

Here are some suggestions on how to deal with the stress of fires or any disasters.

1.  Have a plan and calmly follow the plan.  Know what to take and what to leave behind.

2.  Favorite blankies and favorite toys are just as important to your children as passports are to you, so don’t forget them.

3.  Put the evacuation items in the car.

4.  Use the phone to get up to the minute information to stay informed. The reverse phone calls actually work so don’t be afraid you will be deserted.

5.  Spend time with your children watching videos or playing non-strenuous indoor games.

6.  If one parent goes into work have them call a couple of times just to chat.

7.  If the kids really want to see the news, let them see small doses maybe 10 minutes every few hours.  Or if the planes and helicopters are flying overhead have them count the different kinds of planes/helicopters.

8.  If you have restless teenagers and it is safe let them get together with friends for a couple of hours.

9.  Some teens feel compelled to help.  Help them gather cold drinks and donuts and take them to the firefighters parked up the street, or to the police who are in charge of working the barricades.

The more we practice modeling a calm environment our children will experience less anxiety.